Vacations with children never go exactly as planned — and I’ve found this theory to hold true on cruises. You think your kids will love the onboard kids club, but they decide they’re too shy to go. They refuse to eat foods they gobble up at home. You’ve got a beach day planned, and they would much prefer to hang out in the cabin watching TV.

You can never anticipate exactly how a sailing with kids is going to play out — but I’ve found there are strategies you can employ to set up your family for success.

I’ve been taking my kids on cruises since they were in diapers, and I’ve learned a thing or two about what to do — and what not to do — when vacationing with family. Here are my 12 mom-tested tips for cruising with kids that might just save your family from travel meltdowns and stress.

Choose a ship that fits your family

I cannot tell you the number of friends who have complained to me that their parents chose a cruise ship for a multigenerational vacation that did not work for their young children at all. If you are planning a cruise for your immediate or extended family, it’s imperative that you pick the right ship for your crew.

If you’re traveling with babies or toddlers, look for ships that have nurseries. Most of Royal Caribbean‘s and Disney Cruise Line‘s fleet offer drop-off childcare for the littlest cruisers and play spaces where parents and tykes can safely play together. You will pay an hourly fee for the day care service, but it’s worth it for a night out with your spouse or a relaxing spa treatment.

Most larger cruise ships (and even some smaller ones) will have kids clubs or activities for children, but some offer the bare minimum while others embrace family travel. Look to Carnival Cruise Line, Norwegian Cruise Line, Royal Caribbean, MSC Cruises and Disney Cruise Line for expansive kids-only hangouts with supervised activities, plus plenty of onboard attractions such as waterslides, splash parks, rock-climbing walls, ropes courses and minigolf.

Just know that the smaller, older ships of some of these cruise lines don’t have the same number of kid-friendly attractions as the bigger, newer vessels in the fleet.

The top family-friendly cruise lines will also have all-ages shows, plentiful free ice cream and casual, complimentary dining venues with all the kid favorites (chicken tenders, pizza, burgers, tacos, etc.).

Related: 5 best cruise lines for families

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Social teens will also appreciate the teen lounges and teen-only activities offered by these cruise lines. However, if your teens are not looking to make friends on vacation, pick a ship that matches their interests. Expedition cruise ships that carry kayaks and bikes for guest use might be a better match than a megaship. Culinary-minded kids might prefer the dining options of Celebrity Cruises; musical teens might enjoy the evening performances on Holland America‘s newer ships.

Do your research so you’re clear on which activities the cruise ship you’re considering offers and which it doesn’t. Then make the choice that fits your family.

I’ve mostly cruised by packing two kids and two adults in one balcony cabin, but as my kids get older (and bigger and more interested in long showers), booking connecting or adjacent cabins becomes more appealing.

Your sanity might prefer that you book two lower-category cabins versus one nicer cabin — even if you have to give up a balcony. Connecting rooms let you keep tabs on everyone while giving you two bathrooms, double the closets and storage space and regular beds for everyone (especially useful once bunkbeds lose their thrill). You’ll be less likely to trip on four pairs of kids’ shoes left lying around the cabin or risk an accident due to a family member hogging the bathroom.

If you have teens, you can also consider booking a balcony cabin for yourself and putting them in a cheaper inside cabin across the hall. You get privacy, and they won’t wake you up when they come in from teen activities or the video arcade at midnight.

Related: Which cruise ship cabin should your family book?

Strategize your dining times

Dining out with little kids can be fraught, and on a cruise, you’re eating three meals a day in restaurants. You’ll want to be smart about your dining plans once on board, but start off on the right foot by choosing the best dining time for your family precruise.

Many cruise lines will give you the choice of early dining (at 5:30 or 6 p.m.), late dining (around 8 p.m.) and flexible dining (show up any time during restaurant open hours, but you might have to wait for a table that accommodates your party).

Related: ‘My time’ dining vs. traditional dining: Which should you choose?

If you have little kids who are used to eating early, opt for the first seating. You’ll sit at the same table every night, and the wait staff will get to know your kids. After dinner, you can all enjoy the show together or the kids can head off to the kids club; if you have toddlers, you might be putting them to bed right away, perhaps trading off with your spouse on who gets to see the show.

Families who typically eat dinner late or who want to maximize time ashore might prefer late-seating dinner. You can always get snacks to tide folks over before your sit-down meal. Or, if you’re confident your kids will go to the kids club after dinner (either because they want to or because you said so), choose late seating, so you can feed your kids early at the buffet, drop them off at camp and enjoy an adults-only leisurely meal in the dining room once they’re ensconced.

If you don’t like to be locked into a dinnertime, and your kids won’t lose their minds if you have to wait a half-hour for a table at dinner, choose the flexible dining option. You’ll get to try out different table locations and meet new waiters and cruisers every meal. Some lines will let you make reservations for dinner times under the flexible plan; others let you request a table in the cruise line app, so you can enjoy the ship until you’re notified that a table is ready for you.

Related: The ultimate guide to cruise ship food and dining

Let your kids help choose shore excursions

You can often save money by booking your cruise line shore excursions in advance. You’ll also eliminate day-of stress if you’ve planned out your day in port before your ship arrives. I find you’ll have the most successful day out if you involve your kids in the planning process.

With little kids, you might want to vet the tours and then give them a simple choice, such as asking if they’d rather go to the beach or the aquarium. Older teens could each be put in charge of researching specific destinations and making recommendations for activities or excursions. It’s a great learning experience, and you’ll get their buy-in (rather than their complaints) for your onshore schedule.

Or, perhaps you have a family chat about which activities interest your children. On a Caribbean cruise, I learned my kids were interested in trying snorkeling, so I found a tour where we could try it out in a sheltered area.

Even if your kids are too young to discuss tours with you, keep their needs and preferences in mind as you plan your time in port. Look for excursions that will suit them, whether that’s a beach club day pass with access to a splash area, a glass-bottom boat ride, a little train ride or an activity with animals. If you drag them along on a cultural tour that appeals to you but holds minimal appeal for little attention spans, you are setting yourself up for potential problems.

Also, work downtime into your schedule. My kids love nothing better than a half-day outing followed by time to lounge around the pool or the cabin. I might want to go-go-go and maximize my time ashore, but they get grumpy after too much activity. I’ve learned to carve out that rest time for them, so they stay even-keeled and I can ward off tantrums.

Related: Avoid these 10 mistakes when booking cruise shore excursions

Pack outfits for all activities — and lanyards

Unless you want to do laundry on your vacation, I’ve found that cruising with kids is not the time to pack light. Thankfully, kids’ outfits are smaller than adult ones!

Make sure you pack outfits for all the activities you plan on doing on board, with some extra options just in case. That means a different outfit for each day, plus cute outfits for evenings, several swimsuits and pajamas. And throw in some handwashing detergent, just in case. My kids have been known to wear one outfit in the morning, go swimming and then change into a different outfit for the afternoon — even when I tell them their first outfit isn’t dirty yet. I’ve also found that they will pack clothes and refuse to wear them once on board — so options are useful.

The other go-to accessories I make sure to bring on every cruise with kids are lanyards. Kids need to keep their cruise keycards with them at all times, but they don’t always have pockets in their shorts. I also don’t trust them not to lose the card as they run about. Give them a lanyard with a clear pocket to insert the card, and they can wear the card like a necklace, making it more difficult to lose.

Related: Cruise packing list: The ultimate guide to what to pack for a cruise

Related: How to avoid getting sick on a cruise

Make your cabin feel like home

Sleeping in a strange place can be unsettling for kids, especially with the movement and creaking of cruise ships. The more you can make your cabin feel like home, the more comfortable they’ll be — and less likely to keep you up at night.

You don’t want to bring a ton of toys that could get lost or left behind, but you’ll want to pack at least one favorite doll or stuffed animal and a comforting blankie. Consider a white noise machine to block out ship sounds and set a calming evening atmosphere.

Cruise ship walls are often magnetic, so you can pack fun magnets for kids to play with or decorate the room. You can even use them to hang up pictures if that helps make your cruise ship cabin feel more like home.

• No climbing on furniture or balcony railings to prevent falls. If your kids are young, you might want to forbid them from going on the balcony without an adult.
• Use the buddy system when swimming on board — even better, make sure a parent is watching.
• Always wash your hands before eating (to avoid norovirus), and instruct your kids on proper buffet etiquette — no picking up food with your hands or putting back an item once it’s touched your dish.
• Always let a parent know where you are. For little kids, this might mean not running ahead; for older kids with more freedom to roam the ship, this might mean leaving a note in the cabin or sending a text via the cruise app to let parents know where you’re hanging out.
• Keep your socializing to public spaces; do not follow new friends into their cabins or less-trafficked areas of the ship.

Related: Are cruises safe? Here’s what you need to know about cruise ship security and safety

Always go to the kids or teen clubs on the first night

My kids have a love-hate relationship with cruise ship kids clubs. They don’t always want to go. What changes the game and makes them more eager to attend? A friend.

On the first night of every cruise, the kids and teens clubs usually have some introductory activity where kids can check out the club activities, meet the counselors and get to know the other kids in their age group. Because there’s not much else going on during the first evening, a high percentage of kids onboard attend. It’s the perfect time to make friends before cliques form or people get busy with their family’s travel plans.

Even if your kids are reluctant, have them go to the youth activities on night one. Tell them to give it a chance. If they make friends, they’re likely to have more positive views of the drop-off program and ask to go. Or, they’ll have friends to hang out with at the ship’s pools and waterslides, so you can keep an eye on them from your lounge chair instead of playing Marco Polo for hours in a crowded pool.

I’ve made the mistake of sending kids for the first time when they have no choice because I’ve booked an adults-only meal or spa treatment. This inevitably leads the kid to equate the kids club with being sent away, and then, no matter how much fun it is, they are determined never to go. The more it can be their choice, and oh, gee, I guess you can let them go play with their friends all afternoon, the more use you’ll all get from the youth activities.

Related: The 5 best cruises for teens