Dear bee,

I’m writing to share about a concern that has kept me overwhelmed for a while. I work a super demanding content writing job with tight deadlines and remain busy most days of the week. This, however, has really affected my friendship with some of my closest friends.

While my friends do not complain upright, they do mention it in subtle ways during our interactions on our group chats on WhatsApp and Instagram. I initially felt they were teasing me, but it now seems like they are really upset with me not being able to meet them often.

We meet maybe twice a year as and when our schedules align, but it’s mostly due to my extremely busy routine. I wanted to ask you how to address this issue and make my friends understand that I love them, but my job is also equally important for me to keep myself financially afloat. I fear losing my friendships and could really use some support in navigating this situation. Thank you!

— A busy friend

Dear busy friend,

Balancing work and personal relationships can be overwhelming, especially when your job is demanding and consumes most of your time. I can understand why you may be feeling this way.

I see how deeply you value your friendships while also recognising the importance of your work. Both are two very critical aspects of life, where relationships fulfil our social and emotional needs and work provides with purpose, stability and growth.

Like any living thing, relationships need care, nurturing and effort to flourish, and I sense your worry about losing them.

A good starting point for you is to first acknowledge how your friends feel and express how you feel.

In relationships effective communication is a fundamental skill (that can be learned and developed) where most often, we expect other people to know how we are feeling. The truth is, others don’t know our intentions, they only see our actions. It is our responsibility to express our intentions to them and let them know whats going on.

In a similar sense, I would encourage you to let your friends know how you feel. Let them know how much they mean to you, how you’ve noticed their concerns, that you miss them and would have liked to meet more often but at the same time are so occupied with work. Let them know the value your work provides and the needs and stability it fulfils — both of which are critical for you.

At the same time, In life, we have to make time for what truly matters. If your friendships are important to you, find ways to prioritise them. If you cant meet them that often, you can find other ways in keeping the connection alive.

Small efforts go a long way. For example regular calls, check ins, text messages or planning ahead for meet ups — can help keep the bond strong.

This will also aid you in fulfilling your relational needs for love and connection creating a balanced life and preventing burnout.

True friendships evolve with time, and with honest communication and consistent effort, they can withstand even the busiest of schedules.

Goodluck!

– Well

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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